New News

Well, ya know that little girl Lillian Nicole that we were expecting end of Aug/first of Sept.? Well, she's now a he. We were told this past Monday that we are now having a boy. We have no name for a boy at all! Mark gets to pick the boy name, and I get to edit/shoot them down. Kinda like the president, and I will use my power to Pocket Veto, for sure. Hopefully we will have one picked out when the little guy gets here. When we were in the ultrasound room and found out that we are now having a boy, I tried to hold back the tears. However, it didn't last long as I could feel the little tears run down my cheek. I still attempted to shake it off and think it's ok...it's healthy and God blessed us with this baby. But, then it crossed my mind, oh no! How are we gonna tell Matt & Lisa. So, I turned to Mark who already started to hold my hand after we found out the news knowing that it kinda upseted us both and we were in total shock. Well, I turned to Mark and said, you have to tell your brother. He said, I know. I repeated myself, and he said, I know baby it'll be ok. (For those of you who don't know Mark's twin bro, Matt and his wife Lisa, lost thier baby boy full-term a little over a year ago around Christmas. Lisa didn't take the news to well when she found out we were pregnant. So, I hope this goes ok, but I don't know. It worries me a lot!) Then, I lost it. I mean I completely balled my eyes out to the point of almost hyperventilating. - If you know me and how I cry, then you know it is normally a silent cry and you wouldn't know I was crying unless I tried to speak, sniffed my nose, or you just looked at my face. But, when I am extremely upset I tend to let out little sounds -really catching my breath. Anyway, it was sad. I tried to keep thinking positive and well, but I was in complete shock. Just 3 weeks ago we were told it's a girl, eventhough the person said she wasn't saying 100%, but she's pretty darn sure. I showed it to my dr. and she confirmed that there was no doubt in her mind, that it was a girl. So, to be planning for the little one to come, my Mamaw Edwards already crocheting a sweater in lilac, and my mom and Helen already buying stuff and we already told everyone and their mom...now I have since called all of them back. Everyone was ok with the news, and I tried to be. Everyone kept saying, but it's healthy and that's all that matters, you'll have more kids, it'll be fine, boys are easier than girls anyway -less emotional, etc. But, I heard it all before and the sayings kept repeating itself. I just wanted to tell people to shut-up, of course I didn't. I talked to Mark about it and he was dealing a lot better with the news than me, eventhough he totally wanted a girl as much as I did. Well, I have been praying a lot about this with God. I have come to the realization that I think I was feeling loss. Like I had lost my baby, 'cause I got so attached to Lillian. I had to be thankful in what God gave me. So, I asked the Lord to help me and forgive me for not being as thankful as I should be. I really am thankful for my little boy. God really did give me the desires of my heart, it was just the desires as a young kid. I always wanted a boy first, to be a big brother and to look out for his sister. But, when i got pregnant, I wanted a girl. I know that Mark & I want to have many more kids, and now we have started we aren't stopping. I don't want more than 5, but who knows an exact #. We will just have them until we know when it's time to stop. I was thinking since I had such a hard time dealing with this new news at first, how I will handle post baby. Will I have post-partum? I hope not. I'll be a stay-at-home mom come August 16th, since that's my first official day that I'll be unemployed. :) I plan on staying at home for atleast a year, and then we will re-evaluate things after that. As much as I would love staying at home for the rest of our kids lives, I want to try to take one step at a time and see how things go for the first year. Well, I hope you don't read this and think I'm such a horrible person, but just know that shock kinda took over but I am now ok and I love my little boy that is growing inside me and loves to give his mommy heart burn and do sommersaults. He's a very acrobatic little guy, especially if I have some caffeine. By the way, you can totally have only 1 caffeine drink a day or 3-8oz cups of coffee a day. So, I'm Ok, plus I totally drink water all the time like I'm never gonna hve water again. Anyway, well I gtg now. I have to run errands, go dropoff my car at my in-laws so that Poppy (dad-in-law) can put on new front brakes. Well, I'll ttyl.